In a move that is sure to help Prince Fielder‘s ever expanding waist line, the Texas Rangers announced today that they are rolling out a stand at Globe Life Park dedicated entirely to fried foods found at the world-renowned State Fair of Texas. This stand comes on the heels of the Rangers’ successful launch of the first $20 hot dog, the two-foot long Boomstick, which served as a suitable replacement for Nelson Cruz, who goes by @ncboomstick23 on Twitter. Over 20,000 faithful hot dog connoisseurs made the Boomstick a part of their gameday experience last year, leaving me wondering if many Rangers fans were simply eating their feelings as the club slumped to a last-place finish.
The fried food stand will feature such items as the Fried S’mOreo — two deep fried Oreos, a marshmallow, breaded in graham cracker crust, covered in chocolate sauce and Cool Whip, all served up on a skewer. If the Rangers don’t sell 100,000 of these things this season, I will lose all faith in America. A chicken-fried corn on the cob is also sure to be a crowd pleaser.
Throw in the fact that the Rangers’ stadium also features a Just Bacon stand which moved hundreds of orders of bacon on a stick last year, and I am left wondering if regular weigh-ins will be required for the entire Texas Rangers roster. They say everything is bigger in Texas, and the Rangers definitely show that to be true with their latest ballpark offerings. The Rangers are likely ticketed for another losing season in the tough AL West following a spate of Spring Training injuries that has decimated their starting rotation. If there is one thing that can take a fan’s mind off the mounting losses, it is a deep fried Oreo smothered in marshmallow, chocolate, and whipped cream, or maybe a two-foot long hot dog covered in chili, cheese, jalapenos, and onions.
In my quest to attend a game in all 30 Major League stadiums, I have not yet had the privilege of visiting Globe Life Park. Now, I may have a real reason to do so. Just make sure you put me down for two seats on the plane on my way home.