Report: Colby Rasmus Ready to Eat Gummy Bears

The first few days of spring training are typically nothing more than a time for players to delight in the presence of their fellow teammates after a long winter spent apart. In Houston, Astros outfielder Colby Rasmus, proud owner of a new $15.8 million one-year contract, arrived early at camp, hungry to get to work and work on his nutrition. Evan Drellich of the Houston Chronicle broke the big news.

“My eyes, what I’m seeing right now is, I’m seeing red,” he said. “I’m ready to go out there and beat some folks, win some ballgames, chest-bump with these guys, and eat some gummy bears. You know what I’m saying?”

The going rate on Amazon for a five-pound bag of Haribo Gummi Bears (sugar-free, of course!) is $12.99. With his new contract, Rasmus can purchase roughly 1,216,320 bags of Haribo from EzBuys4u, a great deal, especially when considering that a five-pound bag of Sour Patch Kids is $19.50. The Minute Maid outfield seems like a good place to store over six million pounds of the little red, green, and gold treats. No word on whether fellow Astro Evan Gattis, also known as El Oso Blanco (the White Bear in Spanish), will approve of such disregard for Ursus Gummi life.

Baseball is back, baby, and it appears that Rasmus is reveling in his new-found role as a leadership figure in Houston. After hitting a career-high 25 home runs in 2015, the 29-year-old followed it up with four more bombs in six postseason games. After trading Hunter Pence a few years back, the Astros had been sorely lacking in the weird-ballplayer department, and it drove fans away in bunches (obviously the 100-loss seasons had nothing to do with it). Rasmus appears more than ready to pick up the slack for one of baseball’s most exciting young teams.

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