The wonders of modern technology have helped human kind solve mysteries that were previously considered unsolvable. A few secrets remain obscured, forever hidden behind a veil of confusion, complexity, and incomprehensible sophistication. One of these eternal mysteries that no one on earth has never, and for my money will never be able to figure out, is the social media strategy of Blue Jays Right Fielder Jose Bautista.
Mister Bautista follows just under 400,000 people (the exact number at time of print is 399,143). That’s more than the populations of The Bahamas, Belize and Iceland. That’s more than the population of Colorado Springs, Honolulu, and Tulsa. That’s more people than I’ve ever met and probably more people than I will ever meet.
So now that I’ve proven 400,000 is a lot of people, I want you to consider what Jose Bautista’s twitter feed must look like. The insane amount of inconsequential crap that people tweet (yours truly included) is astounding and Jose Bautista gets to see it all. I’ve written about his absurd twitter strategy before, and I thought I’d give a little update to the readers over here at Baseball Essential.
Here are some of the best, funniest, and most ridiculous people who Jose Bautista follows on Twitter
I’m pretty sure that’s a direct quote from Jack Zduriencik to Brian Cashman during the 2012 offseason.
Adrian Cardenas’ bio basically tells you that following Adrian Cardenas will add nothing to your life. Jose Bautista followed him anyway.
“SWAG = Someone Who Adores God” is amazing. Does that mean SWAGGER is actually “Someone Who Adores God, Goats, and Emma Roberts.”
If I’ve learned one thing from Twitter, it’s that it’s totally possible to follow Jesus and follow other Twitter accounts.
I’ve heard that Jose actually gets text updates to his phone whenever Terrence Yura, Shadyside Hospital retiree, tweets. (Sidenote: The eggs at the hospital right across the street are awesome. Get it? Sunnyside… Moving on.)
Joe, Joe, Joe. Hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think you accidentally typed a message to your girlfriend and put it in your bio. That’s also probably why she was confused by your text that said: “House music DJ/Ravens fan. America is the greatest country on earth. Love my girlfriend.”
For those of you that don’t speak fluent Norwegian that translates to “Chandler Bing’s Secret Lover.” Jose Bautista must be a huge fan of Friends, but only the Norwegian version.
Screw this. I’m out.
Jose Bautista’s Best Follows 1.0: http://cespedesfamilybarbecue.com/2014/02/26/jose-bautistas-most-outrageous-follows/
He used to follow me, until I asked why, which he answered by immediately unfollowing me.