32. Donald Zachary Greinke, Los Angeles Dodgers
Zack Greinke doesn’t actually have a beard. He’s as clean-shaven as a cherub’s hindquarters. He looks like something out of a Botticelli painting with those dimples, at least that’s what my wife tells me.
Greinke gets bonus points for having about as good as season as a professional baseball pitcher has had since the 1960s. He was 19-3 with a 1.66 ERA and posted an ERA+ of 225, which is good for number eight all-time when not considering seasons before 1920 (because we all know they didn’t play real baseball back then).