I want Yoenis Cespedes to sign with the Miami Marlins

I must preface this post with a simple statement — I am a selfish consumer of sports. I root for the stories that will provide me with the most entertaining outcomes and highest amount of drama. With that out of the way, let me make another simple statement — I want Yoenis Cespedes to sign with the Miami Marlins this offseason. God in heaven (or Flying Spaghetti Monster) hear my prayer!

I need Yo in Miami!

This crazy thought has been bouncing around in my head for a few weeks now. The Marlins are a perfect fit for Cespedes, and would provide the casual sports fan with plenty of entertainment. I am already envisioning Cespedes bounding around the Marlins Park outfield with fluorescent uniform, fluorescent arm sleeve, and fluorescent home run statue splashed across my television screen. What a sight!

Since 2010, the Marlins have run out seven different managers (if you are willing to count Brandon Hyde‘s one-game stint as manager in 2011. Since it’s the Marlins, I’ll allow it), and are still paying the manager they fired after just one season (what up Ozzie Guillen). Now, the Marlins have another new manager with some star power in Don Mattingly. The GM-turned-manager Dan Jennings was fired after it seemed he would return to the front office from the dugout. Owner Jeffrey Loria apparently did not like it when the GM/manager defended Marcell Ozuna. That’s what you get for being a player’s manager! Now, Loria will likely get his way and Ozuna will be shipped out of town, but not to the minor leagues/jail.

Why the heck would Cespedes willingly walk into this train wreck, assuming he does not re-sign in the one week window the New York Mets have to negotiate with him?

Because it’s Miami, and because it’s Yoenis Cespedes, the most wildly entertaining, seafood scarfing, cigarette smoking, bat flipping, cannon for an arm having, pig on a spit eating, ballplayer on the planet today. Think of the possibilities for Cespedes on South Beach. I’m salivating. This is a next level meme waiting to happen.

Is this just a half-baked pipe dream some writer cooked up? The Marlins could certainly use a shot in the arm in the attendance department (though they did manage to outdraw Cleveland and Tampa Bay, so keep up the good work!), and if Loria wants to deal Ozuna, then the Marlins will need a new outfielder. An outfielder with a Cuban background to play next to Giancarlo Stanton is a marketing department’s dream. The Marlins have not spent much money since the failed Jose Reyes experiment the year the sparkling new baseball/art deco palace opened. Miami feels as if it was duped in giving Loria all that money to build his new temple.

The Marlins need another star, specifically a Cuban star. Don Mattingly needs another star to make his managerial stay in Miami worth his time. The people of Miami need a reason to root for and care about baseball again. The Internet needs this. Jeffrey Loria may be crazy enough to give it to us all.

One Response

  1. HMan0199

    Well, knowing how dumb Jeffrey Loria is, Ozuna getting shipped out to another team (maybe the Seattle Mariners), and Loria tampering to sing Cespedes away from the Mets, may just actually happen.


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