San Diego Padres: A new team chaplain
The Padres have not been to the postseason since 2006 and have not won a playoff series since 1998. They have never won a World Series, despite being in existence since 1969.
Last offseason, they acquired several high-profile players and gave fans a reason to believe that the team would make a legitimate run. Instead, they won 74 games and finished fourth in the NL West, firing super-nice-guy manager Bud Black in the process. Two of their biggest acquisitions, closer Craig Kimbrel and outfielder Justin Upton, are not even on the team anymore (luckily, the Padres still have Justin’s brother, the Artist Formerly Known as BJ).
Something has to give. Maybe it’s the mascot. The Swinging Friar must not be doing a good job. Perhaps an actual friar would be able to say a blessing over the team and will them into the playoffs. If Santa can help get God on the Padres’ side, they will certainly benefit.
Stocking Stuffers: a middle infielder, a power bat, and something really cool for Odrisamer Despaigne since you can actually spell “San Diego Padres” using the letters in his name.